I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
