dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
