k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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