Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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