Im at strip club and am horny
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
