Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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