My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
