waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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