I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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