Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
