i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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