i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
