Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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