i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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