I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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