someone threw a dead crab at me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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