I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
