She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
