The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She announced her abortion via fbk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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