we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize