She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
