she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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