Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Two words: blizzard sex
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
