I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
