I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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