Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
