No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
