Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
