After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
