I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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