just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
