They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
