We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
