Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
