im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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