I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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