You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
