dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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