ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize