Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
