I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
