i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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