found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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