all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
