Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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