You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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