I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
