woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of course I have a pirate flag
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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