She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
zippers are such a cool invention
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
