The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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