She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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