there's paper in my vomit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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