forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
