thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He? As in you personified your dick?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
