Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When did angry sex become our thing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
