Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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