I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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