boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
