this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
