Just cropdusted the office
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
