i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
