Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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