i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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