Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
