We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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