wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
