Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
