FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
